»Beginning of a new day«
(by Hettie Van Zyl)
jumping, dancing,
hiding, scaring, hasting,
as the moon steps back before the
face of the sun
shining, blinking, burning
majestic, enormous,
as a new day begins.
written in April 2009 : submitted on April 11, 2009 : viewed 43 times
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Readers' comments
Christopher Kudyahakudadirwe: I think, Hettie, you are getting there now. You know what, a poem should be treated like a skeleton. The readers sometimes are called upon to fill in the flesh so as to make it complete and this is where you are almost getting to. This poem of yours is brimming with the makings of a good poem. I like the way that you have used a string of those verbs that bring fright to whoever has a day that is beginning. However, I must point out that the word 'hasting' could have been 'hastening' which means 'coming on quickly'. The short lines actually show that the on-coming day should be a hectic one for this person whoever they are and brings to them a dreadful expectancy. I have also observed that now you are able to bring in personification into your poems, for example, you used 'as the moon steps back'. This is just what makes a poem worthy of reading. Keep up the good work Hettie!
Christina: short but beautiful said
