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»Mind in Fire: Fighting Depression«

by Richmond Macahilos, March 7, 2019

My Seven Days of Depression
Was like hell inside of me
Inside My Mind,
Inside My Heart,
It was like the End of the world for me.

Having Depression is not easy
You thought that it’s just a small thing,
A small word…
But it’s not….
It’s a big deal.

A lot of people died because of Depression,
Cos they keep thinking of suicide,
They wanted to die,
Because of thinking badly about their past
Cos they lose hope…

And depression makes you feel empty,
It’s like you are dead inside,
It’s a very deep sadness,
Where you feel like in trauma,
Well, trust me I had passed these aspects…

Depression is,
When you don’t really care
About anything,
You don’t care what is happening around you,
Cos you were in a deep sadness.

And that’s not it…
I even have Anxiety,
Anxiety is when you care too much
About everything!
And having both is just like Hell!!!

I know, I like that feeling
Cause it makes you feel peaceful,
But no I don’t like it,
I just don’t really know,
It’s a tornado inside my mind.

And much Worst,
Cause of Bipolar Disorder,
It has me two different types of Personalities
Or maybe more….
It’s hard to live with a lot of Mental Health Issues.

All of these things makes me want to kill myself,
Do such things as suicide,
I know I can’t do that…
Cos stupid people keeps telling me
That you will go straight to hell !!….

So that’s the reason,
On why I am still living in this miserable world…..
This is my Story,
My past,
My history...

But I still keep Self Harming my self
Cutting my wrist,
Cause it makes me feel better, hurting my own self
You cannot stop me somehow
It’s already my self-addiction.

And in my Seven days of surviving this Hell inside me
I was losing hope
Losing life,
Losing my mind
Losing my self…

Even though you see me laugh,
But laughing doesn’t still makes me happy…
Every day in my life where grey,
I don’t feel the world’s pretty colors,
I have no freedom of Anxiety and depression.

It’s been 4 years of suffering
People can’t see how I feel, because I hide my Depression
Yeah, I know it’s impossible,
You just have to smile
Even though it’s hard to pretend…

I’m tired of this life.
And you compare me to others life,
You may not see how and why
But if you can read my mind
I know that you’d be in Tears…

You don’t know how I feel,
Cause you haven’t cross these Valleys,
And you keep comparing me to others life,
These guy that guy, see his life at least you’re not like that, they said…
Can you just stop? Please?

I’m tired already
While people keep giving me anxiety,
I already changed my life 3 times
3 different me, Created me,
My past will always defines who I am…

Can’t sleep,
As I lay down and close my Eyes
My Anxiety keeps growing more severe
And when that happens,
I always end up to sleep in day…

Nothing can give me Hope,
Even if you ask, even if you listen to my Story,
You do not really hear or see
What I meant,
So I stay Silent and Suffer…

Written: March 2019
Tags: Anger Biographical Communication Crazy Death Disappointment Emotions Fear Hate Hope Life Memories Past People Personal Sad Solitude Youth

The © Copyright to this poem is owned by the author.
Published by writerslounge.net on March 7, 2019 under courtesy of the author.


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2019-03-08